It appears that the Portsmouth City Council and Martings Foundation may have come up with a win/win solution to the Martings debacle if rumors are correct! The solution was so easy and I can't believe nobody thought of this sooner. The taxpayers were screwed out of $2,000,000 of illegally obtained money by Portsmouth City Auditor Trent Williams and this solution gets the money back to the taxpayers using the "screwing mentality." The answer to this headache is to build a "MARTINGS BROTHEL" !
It is my understanding that plans are in the works that will result in usage of all three floors of the old Martings Building. The first floor will be a bar and casino. The second floor will be rooms for hooker services. The third floor will be for the sale and distribution of illegal narcotics. Now don't worry, City Council will be passing new city ordinances legalizing all of this activity under the home rule charter so the taxpayers will reap the benefit of millions of dollars in sales and tax revenue generated by this new business that will revitalize the Portsmouth Downtown area.
Just think about it. This solution will get the hookers off the street, the drug dealers and abusers all confined to one small area of the city, and generate enough money to repay the property owners their stolen tax money. Since this business venture shall be considered a retail business, the Martings Foundation will be legally forced to give back the $1.4 million dollars that was stolen from the taxpayers. See, it is a win/win for everyone. But, it gets better!
Security will be provided free of charge. The Portsmouth Police Chief and Scioto County Sheriff will simply post officers/deputies at the building since all the criminal activity that now operates around the county and city will be confined to this one building.
First Ward City Councilman says he loves "pussy" so he can be in charge of marketing for the Martings Brothel. He claims he knows most of the hookers in town anyway so he can now get them off the street and I'm sure his buddy named Lester would be willing to provide limo service for the high rollers who will be coming to Portsmouth to visit his female employees. The hookers will be paid a nice wage but also pay city income tax, another revenue source for the city coffers. I'm also confident the First Ward Councilman's insurance buddy would be willing to provide health care to the hookers that have been servicing him for many years! Maybe we can get a city discount on their health care plan if he gets some freebies at the brothel!!
First Ward City Councilman says he loves "pussy" so he can be in charge of marketing for the Martings Brothel. He claims he knows most of the hookers in town anyway so he can now get them off the street and I'm sure his buddy named Lester would be willing to provide limo service for the high rollers who will be coming to Portsmouth to visit his female employees. The hookers will be paid a nice wage but also pay city income tax, another revenue source for the city coffers. I'm also confident the First Ward Councilman's insurance buddy would be willing to provide health care to the hookers that have been servicing him for many years! Maybe we can get a city discount on their health care plan if he gets some freebies at the brothel!!
Sixth Ward City Councilman can provide the musical services for the building. I'm sure he will do this free of charge so he can get some free publicity for his private business. Plus his church should love the donation to help the city.
Second Ward City Councilman would surely provide religious help for those people that believe their prayers were not answered when the spinning wheels on the one armed bandits comes up with something other than those three 7's!!
Second Ward City Councilman would surely provide religious help for those people that believe their prayers were not answered when the spinning wheels on the one armed bandits comes up with something other than those three 7's!!
Our friend from Westerville, Ohio, Lookdeeper, aka Gary Daniels, I'm sure would be willing to use his knowledge of computer networking and webhosting to set up the Martings Brothel Website! Finally, something to give this guy that might just shut him up! Many people believe he's a sexual pervert anyway, so why not let him take pictures of the city hookers!
I'm postive that the guy that lives on Front Street and operates a local internet forum would be more than willing to use his drug expertise to run the third floor drug operation in the brothel. This man is connected with all the local, state, and possibly national drug dealers and we all know his connections with local druggies, so lets put that knowledge to work. He can get himself off of that illegal SSI and earn a real honest living doing what he does best! Selling dope! See, unemployment drops again! I'm sure with his knowledge of the dope business, Portsmouth will only be selling the high grade stuff! Right Moezie!!
The city can put in a courtroom in the building and any crimes that goes on in the brothel can be handled right on the spot. I'm sure there will be some judges visiting the brothel at least a few nights a week! Remember, it is the judges that keep putting the hookers and drug dealers back out on the streets so why not let the judges keep an eye on them inside the brothel! Again, it cuts back on the number of people in our county jail and eliminates most of the cases in our courtrooms right now!
This is definately a win/win for everyone. The Martings Foundation should be pleased with this solution. They get their wish, a retail business in the old Martings Building but what they should be most proud of is the spin-off this will have on the City of Portsmouth. No longer will travelers have to see prostitutes on our street corners. No longer will drug dealers be on the street corners. Unemployment will drop dramatically. Revenues generated at the Martings Brothel will fill up the city coffers until money is running over and City Council won't know what to do with all that money! Citizens might even give them a pay raise!
So, what do you think people? Do you agree? Shouldn't the taxpayers get involved in the screwing process? At least we might get a kiss on the cheek this time! Remember to thank the people in the picture above. They are the ones that made it possible for the Martings Brothel to come to Portsmouth. I'm glad we found out that their specialty was "screwing the public". So next time you see them, give them a big THANK YOU!
John Welton (DD)
